When was the last time you received a properly written letter from someone who mattered; a friend, acquaintance, family member? How would you feel if you received such a letter this very morning? What would the letter mean to you?
Have you ever received a letter through the mail from a boyfriend or girlfriend? Someone you knew from a lifetime ago? Have you ever had a pen pal? Have you ever met someone who you connected with in some way and began writing to them? And then continued to write…
A few moments ago, I read a story about two women, one from the U.S. and the other from the U.K., who began as pen pals and continue to write after 72 years. That’s probably one of the nicest things I’ve ever heard of. To imagine the bond these two women share through their letter writing. I can imagine the excitement each one of them feels after receiving a real paper letter in the mailbox, or as they say in the U.K., the post. I’m going to assume these two write on a regular basis because anyone who continues a task consistently over 72 years is highly conscientious and conscientious people take things like this seriously. I’d like to believe I’m capable of writing letters like these two women do. I’m not. I know that. Not many of us are.
Now in their mid-80s they still write, as always by hand. Computers have not caught up with them – and Nona doesn’t want them to.
From what I gather, these two women are somewhat stubborn. Stubborn in a good way. They’re resisting the temptation of watering down their correspondence. To change over to something more efficient. To make life easier.
Writing is much more personable. There are quicker ways to communicate but why change the habit of a lifetime?
The Goodness of Letter Writing
Imagine receiving a letter this very day. Imagine how that would feel. How would I feel? Receiving a letter from someone would be something special. I haven’t received a letter in the mail in years and years. The last one sent to me was from Laura herself and that was in 1998. It was a long letter and in it, she shared so much. Over multiple pages, she told me things I’m sure she’d never told anyone else. The letter is resting next to me at this moment and has been since the day I lifted it from my mailbox. I keep all of her correspondence and one day, after I’m long gone, perhaps someone will read through everything and learn how rich a man I truly was. Letters mean something. They’re different than so many other forms of communication. People save letters. People archive letters. Letters last for centuries.
Think about the goodness of letter writing. Think about the letter itself. It’s journey. It’s story. It’s physical characteristics. When I close my eyes and picture a letter that may have been written to me, I first imagine its envelope. I think of where it came from and what it’s gone through to make it’s way to me. What’s the stamp look like? How large is the envelope? What about the postmark? Is the package heavy – does it have weight to it? Are there multiple pieces of paper inside and have they been folded over and over to fit in their container? How thick an envelope is tells a lot about the author of the letter. Before even opening it, I can tell if the person wanted to write to me or if it was an obligation. How much time did the person spend on me? How much of their life did they give me?
When I was young, my mother signed me up as a pen pal to a few different boys in Central America. I don’t remember the names of these boys; I didn’t write to each of them more than a handful of times. One thing I do remember though is receiving their letters in our mailbox. Envelopes measuring about three inches by five inches. White, off-white, or light blue. Air mail. Red and blue stripes on their outer edges. International markings in ink and stamps from foreign countries. The letters themselves weren’t of much significance – merely young boys telling each other how old they were and if they had any sisters or brothers. But I’ll tell you, the act of waiting for each letter to arrive tested my young mind like not much else had. It was like waiting for Christmas morning to arrive. I’d send my letters off and then crossed my fingers in hopes the other boys were just as excited as I was to communicate and learn about one another. When my letters finally did arrive, the feeling…well, there weren’t many other feelings like it.
The Physicality of a Letter
After opening a letter, I imagine its scent; whether it’s been scented on purpose or by happenstance. If it’s a letter from a woman, can I smell her perfume? I look at the ink used to write the letter. The handwriting. Are there stains or markings on the paper? Has any of the paper been torn? What kind of paper is it? Stationary? All of these things bear the traces of the letter’s journey and the place it was written. I imagine the desk that was used, the room’s lighting. Letters and their envelopes certainly tell a story – one that has little to do with the writing on the paper itself.
I use letters to remember. I’ve saved much of what I’ve received. I have correspondence from long ago and sometimes I read through it to remember who I was and who I shared my experiences with. Once, while at college, for whatever reason, I decided to send my aunt – my father’s sister – a small gift along with a short note. In return, I received a letter of thanks and a message that told me on the day she received my gift, she had been experiencing some sort of turmoil. She told me that she’d been having a bad day and that my gift and note cheered her up. That was nice to read and it’s one of the memories I cherish. The letters I’ve saved are pieces of my past and things that no one knows about but me. They’re saved in a tin on my shelf and they’ve been lying in relative stasis for decades, only to be disturbed every so often by my own prying eyes. My eyes that sometimes forget, whether that be a good or bad thing.
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Eyes are conduits for sight. Emotional expressive changes around the eye influence how we see, and in turn, this communicates to others how we think and feel. When we can’t see someone’s eyes, a letter is the next best thing – the next best thing to showing up personally at someone’s door. Handwriting can easily take the place of eyes as a window to the soul because it’s someone’s handwriting that’s been devoted to whomever is being written. From the moment the pen touches the stationary, the fingers fold the paper, and the saliva seals the envelope, something from one world travels through machines and hands and is deposited in another. The letter is carried from the mailbox indoors and the envelope is opened. A letter that was written at one desk is now read at another. Someone holds and reads from a piece of paper that was written on by someone else. It’s tangible. It’s handled and it’s saved.
Letters take time to write and patience to receive. Not only does the actual writing take time, but preparing to write takes time. Thinking about what to write and when to write. Writing doesn’t come easy for many of us and to dedicate a portion of the day to it is meaningful and should be appreciated. It should be recognized and treasured.
Immediacy versus Meaning
Email is immediate. Texting is even more immediate. Emails can be succinct or long winded while texts are almost always quick and to the point. It’s the immediacy of these formats that’s what’s so great about them. Oftentimes, when business needs to be done, email or text is the way to go. Short conversations can be had, quick decisions made, plans can be executed. “Let’s go to the beach.” “I’ll be there in a minute.” I get it. Sometimes people simply don’t want to wait.
The difference between emails, texts, and handwriting is that letters always arrive from the past. By today’s standards, they can be considered relics by the time they’re received. To me, that’s the beauty of them. The necessary patience while waiting for a letter’s arrival is forced upon us. Once written and sent, there’s nothing a person can do to hurry the process. That time is built into the mechanics of the activity. Once the reply is written and mailed, more patience is necessary. If you’ve ever waited for a letter from a lover, you surely know what I’m referring to. It’s called romance. It’s called a desire and no matter what a person does, they’re left helpless by the distinct nature of the slowest form of communication. I dare say the pace of this type of thing might make a relationship stronger and more endearing.
More often than not, written letters are far more composed than emails or texts. They’re more thoughtful and purposeful. Imagine a high school boy texting a girl who’s sitting next to him in class and then imagine him offering her a hand written letter in its stead, nestled inside a beautifully crafted envelope. Well written. Practiced handwriting. Skill and refinement carried across each line. Which one would the girl prefer and behold? Which one would the girl cherish and which would she perhaps keep for a lifetime? And finally, which would she give more consideration to when deciding if she would accept his proposal of a date Friday evening? It wouldn’t be the first time a letter brought two young loves together.
Letters can forge relationships across long distances. A long time ago, a friend told me the story of how he and his wife first dated. For two years, he and his then girlfriend were on opposite sides of the country, thousands of miles apart. Letter writing was their only means of communication. They wrote and mailed dozens and dozens of letters to one another and through that sustained and patient effort, a deep and enduring love formed. My friend told me that he couldn’t fathom a better way to get to know a person – to learn about someone. He told me that he gave special attention to the commitment and persistence both he and his girlfriend exhibited. To this day, one of his most valued possessions is the collection of letters between the two of them. His children love to read through them and imagine living a life from a nearly forgotten era. The letters he shared serve as a window into the past – a transport to another time and place. There’s power in that.
How to Write a Letter
If what I’ve shared so far hasn’t yet won you over to the value of letter writing, I’m not sure what will. The question remains though, how do we write? In this next section, I’m not going to give you instructions and I’m not going to tell you what to do. Most often, the process of writing a letter and the words you choose will come from your heart. Reducing that to a “how-to” would be sinful. Write what you feel and tell what needs to be told. I will, however, offer a few simple suggestions. We all need clarity at times and glimpsing a blueprint now and again before attempting an endeavor isn’t a bad move to make.
Remember though, if you want a letter sent to you from someone else, you’ll need to send one yourself. In life, we can’t wait for others to make the first move, so it’s crucial that we take the initiative and begin the circle of communication.
Get the Tools
If you plan on becoming someone who corresponds via the written word, make sure to set yourself up for success. Yes, you can use loose leaf paper, a Bic pen, and a plain white envelope for something like this, but ask yourself, would you like to receive a letter with little to no style? Probably not. In that case, head off to your local stationery store and introduce yourself to the person behind the counter. Express your desire to write letters and ask for advice. If you live in a small town and there’s a stationery store on Main Street, stop by in person. You’d be surprised at how much information the owner can offer. If no physical stores are in reach, head to the internet. You’ll have no problem finding what you need, which is…
Stationery
There’s an art to letter writing and you can consider the stationery you use your canvas. Choose something that’s elegant, yet distinguished. Timeless. Classic. You’ll likely have this stationery for years to come and you wouldn’t want to grow out of it. Also make sure you purchase different sized stationery for different uses, such as for full-sized letters as well as notes of various lengths. Cost: $15
Fountain Pen
If you’re going to do this, you may as well do it right. Buy yourself a fountain pen and learn how to use it properly. Yes, these types of pens do require practice, but once you learn its ways, you’ll set yourself apart from most other people who choose to write. These types of pens add sophistication and class – something you certainly won’t get from a regular ball-point pen. Fountain pens are smooth and elegant and allow the author to write without fatigue. Cost: $30
Wax Seal Kit
If you’d like to add the utmost elegance to your letter sending, you’ll definitely want to pour some hot wax on the back of each envelope and seal it with a stamp. The history of sealing envelopes in this manner goes back centuries. Kings, senators, dignitaries – they all used to seal their correspondence with wax to ensure that the integrity of their writing hasn’t been compromised. A wax seal also serves as an identification and certification as to who wrote and sent the letter. This may very well be the coolest aspect of getting into letter writing. Cost: $20
Letter Opener
It may take a while, but once you begin writing and sending letters to friends and family, you can expect to get letters in return. When this occurs, would you like to sit at your desk and tear the envelope open with your fingertips? Or would you like to sit like a gentleman or lady and use a proper letter opener for the task? I think we both know the answer to this question. Cost: $10
Obviously, the prices of each of these tools can climb substantially, depending on your tastes, but the prices I offered can purchase what you need to get started. Take a look around at any stationery store for more information.
Style & Form
There are countless guides on how to properly write a mechanically correct letter. Those guides can assist you with all you need to know. I won’t get into those types of specifics here, but I would like to touch on the most important aspects of doing this sort of thing correctly. When writing, the most important rule – the one you most closely need to adhere to – is to determine to whom you’re writing as well as your purpose. Are you writing to a friend, a relative, a love? Different recipients dictate different styles. Above all else, it’s crucial that you write your letter in such a way as to secure the respect and consideration of the person with whom you are corresponding. After all, there’s no sense in taking the time to write if you won’t secure a positive response, no matter to whom it is you’re writing.
Really, there aren’t many stringent rules for writing a letter. If you’re already well versed in composition, you shouldn’t experience much trouble. You merely need to display your natural self and expression.
If you’d like something to hold onto though; some firm and fixed rules, here they are:
- If writing a casual letter, write as you speak. A letter is merely a representation of what you would say verbally.
- As for style, if writing to a superior, use a respectful tone.
- If writing to an inferior, use a courteous tone.
- If writing to a friend, use a familiar tone.
- If writing to a relative, use an affectionate tone.
The list above should dictate how you express your language when writing. Different readers should feel their own level of intimacy, depending on what type of relationship they have with you.
Be Yourself
It’s temping to look at sample letters to see how the greats have done it throughout history. If that’s what you need to learn and motivate yourself, I encourage you to do so. But please don’t imitate them. As I noted above, most letters are intended to be written as words are spoken, so if you’ve never spoken in Elizabethan English, try to avoid writing in it. Whoever is it receiving your letters will surely focus more on your writing style than your message, perhaps causing confusion. Be yourself and write in your own unique speaking style. “Hello Peter, I was thinking of you the other day while walking down the road. A pigeon flew overhead and I thought, what a great opportunity to write! I know how you love pigeons.”
Express to be Remembered
Treat any written letter as a record of what’s on your mind at the time. Business letters should be short and to the point; clearly written as to communicate your intention or purpose. Personal letters should be written as beautifully as possible. Don’t flourish – avoid unnecessary ornamentation; remain simple or restrained. But write as beautifully as you are capable. Count on your letter being read with great eagerness, once and again, and expect it to have great influence on your future relationship with whomever it was sent. Your letter may be pored over, commented on, dissected word for word. It may be saved, copied, reprinted. Write as if it were going to be published to the world. If you don’t think you’re good or elegant enough, learn and practice how to become better. Be the writer you wish to be. There’s nothing stopping you from transforming into what you imagine being.
When letter writing, try to keep a positive tone and to stay cheerful. Avoid complaining, as you might complain in everyday life. It may be necessary to console or write a letter of sympathy and condolence, and that’s fine, but otherwise, your goal is to convey a message that wants to be read.
Form of a Personal Letter
A personal letter doesn’t ask for much. It can be as simple as:
Dear Beverly,
I’m writing to express how much I honor and appreciate our friendship.
Affectionately yours,
Jay
Personally, from experience, I prefer to have the date added to the top of the letter so when I’m rereading it through the years, I’ll know when it was sent.
Etiquette of a Personal Letter
If you receive a letter, prepare to write a response. That’s a rule. Unless, of course, you receive a letter telling you how terrible a person you are. In that case, throw it in the trash and move on. Otherwise, it’s insulting to have sent a letter and to have not received a reply. Imagine someone speaking to you in public and you merely standing there offering no response at all.
When replying, acknowledge receipt of the original letter and then acknowledge its points. Mention the date sent and then tend to each section appropriately.
If the letter is succinct and only meant to be a few lines, begin the letter toward the middle of the page and strive for an equal distance of blank paper above and below your writing.
When writing someone a letter and the reply is of great importance, it’s kind to enclose a postage stamp for that reply. This type of gesture will be forever remembered.
We all make mistakes. Fountain pens oftentimes leave blots of ink at the most inopportune time. If the mistakes (erasures) and blots pile up and if you find yourself including addition after addition, simply rewrite the letter with better planning the next time. You wouldn’t want to receive a sloppy and disorganized letter yourself, so don’t impose that sort of thing on someone else.
Pick a Place
A few days ago, I found myself searching online for photos of cozy writing rooms. For some odd reason, I picture my calling to be sitting in some tiny, yet warm, room, on a rainy day, near a university in Scotland. I don’t know if I’d be involved with the university at all, but I’m sure I’d use it as my muse. I’d write letters in this room. I’d have a small fireplace and a beautifully carved wooden desk. I’d have the shelves I’ve always wanted and a piping hot cup of tea waiting for me every time I sat down. I think of myself writing letters to all types of people from this room and of course I’d write those letters searching the room for hints and inspiration. The room and its ambience would put me in the mood to write at my best and in doing so, the recipients of my letters would benefit from it.
Space is important. Ambience is important. Mood is important. Find a place that will encourage your best writing and use it to your advantage.
Express & Articulate
Articulating your language is the most important skill you can build. What does articulate mean? It means that when you write – when you craft a message – it’s done in a fashion that’s fluent and coherent. It means that you’ll be understood without hesitation and the need for clarification. Becoming an articulate thinker and writer is something that can take a lifetime and for many of us, perfection remains far out of reach. That doesn’t mean we can’t learn and try though.
Most of us aren’t nearly as articulate as we’d like to be. We know we’ve got something to say, but we simply don’t know how to choose the most appropriate words and properly construct the sentences. We’ve certainly heard lectures and have read passages offered by those who are far more articulate than ourselves, but that type of talent seems as though it’s above what we’re capable of. I know this. I recognize this. I struggle with this myself. Writing clearly is the greatest challenge I face, so I practice and I write and then I practice and write some more.
Learning to articulate is directly connected to learning how to think. These things don’t live separate from one another. I’m actually writing an entire post on how to become more articulate, so keep an eye out for it, but for now, please realize that in order to craft beautifully written letters, you’ll need to learn how to think clearly and write coherently. There’s no getting away from this. But also realize that as you become more articulate in this area of your life, you’ll become a force to be reckoned with in so many others.
Have you heard the expression, the pen is mightier than the sword? That means that thinking and writing have more influence on people and events than the use of force or violence. Use this knowledge to your advantage.
Not having the ability to think is a far greater barrier than not knowing proper form.
I found a very nice video for you that eloquently captures the essence of this post. The video was created by a gentleman named Fennel of Fennel’s Priory. Please take a few moments to watch the video. Fennel is far more capable than I’ll ever be at expressing the art of letter writing.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post and I hope it helps you in some way.
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